Letter to My "Father"

Seeing this video, along with other things that capture "father-daughter moments," has triggered a feeling that I've had for a long time. When I view things like this, it reminds me of the fact that this is something I will probably never share with my father. Unfortunately, my dad hasn't always been in my life like some girls' fathers have. I met my dad face to face when I was about 6 or 7. I'll be 20 in about 3 weeks, and I still haven't seen much of him. He and my mother were never married and didn't have any ties, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't have had ties with his daughter either. I'm not here to bash my him, but just to vent and finally let out my feelings on the situation.
I've always wanted to share the moments with my dad that other girls shared with theirs; father-daughter dances, being called a "daddy's girl," having your dad grill the guys you date, having a dad that's over protective, having a father-daughter dance at your wedding, etc. I often wonder what is it about me that makes my dad not "want" me. Is it because he and my mother weren't married? Do I embarrass him? Am I a failure of a person? Am I not good enough to be his daughter? Do I not make him proud? Throughout many times in my life, I have wondered these things but have never been able to find a reasonable answer. I'm a smart 20 year-old young lady with many accomplishments and achievements under her belt, no kids, a job, a car, in college, and just an all-around good person. What in that description should give him a reason to shun me? I just don't understand it.
It's like he doesn't try to reach out to me unless he needs my help with something. In my eyes, I feel like he should reach out to me more because he's the father and he's supposed to be teaching me certain things in life. Am I wrong for thinking that's the way it's supposed to be? He should've been there to teach me about men, how to do certain things, to cheer me on at my basketball games or scholarship/award banquets. But he wasn't. If it weren't for my mother, I would be a wreck. Luckily she raised me to know the essentials in life. I've never just needed the things a father would teach his daughter, but I damn sure wanted those things. But I've gotten along pretty well without him.
I made the basketball team without him; got through my first date without him and never had a guy take advantage of me; I graduated without him; got my first job and car no thanks to him; got plenty of scholarships and an acceptance to a great college without him; and plenty of other stuff. Although this is all good, I still want the little things a father provides for his daughter. I'll never know what it's like to sit in a my daddy's lap or fall asleep in his arms or cry on his shoulder or dance with him at my wedding or even have him walk me down the aisle at my wedding. It's only so much a mother can do. I know it's mostly guys who need their fathers in their lives, but girls do, too.
Luckily, I don't have self-esteem or self-respect issues because of him, but I just often wonder how different my life would have been if my father would have played an active role. I can't tell you the last time I talked to my dad on the phone, or even saw him in person. I just feel like I'm being faulted for something I didn't do or had no control over. The worst thing about all of this, though, is that I will probably never tell my father this. I would love to have a talk with him about all of this, but I just don't know how to put it out there because we don't have that kind of relationship. Besides this blog, these feelings will continue to stay bottled up inside. I've never told this to my mother or anyone, and probably won't.
Before my father or I leave this earth, I would definitely want him to know my feelings about the situation, but unfortunately, I don't believe it would ever happen. If it does, hopefully it will before it's too late and things will get better. Until then, all I can do is put the thoughts in the back of my head and keep on living...